For My Memories Are My Private Literature

Ninja Assassin...

2009-12-16T21:38:00.005+08:00

in every sense of the word, is one bloody movie.
We're talking streaks and rivers of blood here -- bloody blood splattering martial arts, bloody flying swords & blades, bloody clothes...and the chopped off head and bodies are oh, so, bloody gruesome.
I felt so anaemic watching this.

Nevertheless, kudos for its endless action pack computer game-like thrill. Makes me want to relive my counter-strike days.
Certainly livin up to its name of Ninja Assassin.

....and the later half greeted us with rain again. Perhaps in cold weather like this is where warm memories are found :)

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped”

Beautiful Day

2009-12-15T23:45:00.006+08:00

With the beautiful ppl in my life...

When I thought romantic gesture like sendin surprise gift to one's workplace happens only on TV, I was treated with such today. The bouquet of mixed roses totally got me offguard dearest. So sweet of u to plan this up for me. I love it! Thanks dear...:) And yes, to Delifrance we shall lunch at again.
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Nw Later that evenin...

A horrendous, misplanned trip to a bloody ulu site in the west was shortlived when excitement came in soon after.
Yet another humping scene spotted. This time, its juveniles. Years after I molded out of the teenage nutshell, I realised now, how disgusting it is to see them vulnerably 'doing' it. For a mmt i'd want to freak them out by taking enforcement actions.

This is by far, the craziest thing we've done! Blessed the Banyan Tree for we were safe under circumstances to take cover. Boy how adventurous can it get for us huh. Even the weather ; our escapades as of late have always been under the rain. A lovely evening with a lovely company.

Choice

2009-12-09T21:08:00.008+08:00

This blog is growing with me together with time. One way to recap my thoughts...

Its hard to mix around when you need to dig your own burrow and take cover alot of times. Some strike of happy moments you thought you might want to share, will end up making u feel that u've wronged somewhere or shift u to the less likeable scale bcos of.....the likeliness of being judged. Whats new.
Set aside harmless tease and jokes to a friend that others tend to view it on their personal negative basis. How harmless the joke is, depends on the response and expression.
That Image being tarnished.. Sometimes its just inappropriate to spread the unhappiness against one another,with hidden intention to safe that inner pride and face.

Till this point, I'm much happier being arnd people who are truly sincere and trustworthy. They make their own statement with no influence from or to anyone. I will never ever, take advantage of them.people. Furthermore, I will share what I have, be it my progress towards something that may be mutually beneficial wherever I could.

That aside..

> I had a good day today. Highlight being, we witnessed 2 wild monkeys humping infront of our very own eyes; with their kid sitting beside. One minute we were sitting, admiring the tranquilizing view, the next minute we were served with a free show on monkey business. How often do u get to see animals F**k. That was F**king Awesome! Definitely a scene to remember. If not because they are wild creatures... Such a waste that it was off the record.

I've realised, randomness works best on us isnt it? :)

And, hey, i've ended this virtual transmission for u alrite. Only for u. Hope it eases ur load abit.

> Happy 15th Birthday little sis.. You know I have faith in ur ability. You go girl~!

> Dance Class today was about diva-ish move, which i tot was totally gay. It was fun.

> Cameron Highlands, here I come..

Love is anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation,
And the exponent of breath.

- Emily Dickinson

The Ugly Truth

2009-12-08T23:50:00.003+08:00

I didnt mean to hurt you...

And so today, I decided to shut up and stay focused. It gt me all eaten up inside instead.

Blah~

May tomorrow be a better day. I hope.

Moments in Time

2009-12-02T07:05:00.018+08:00

Us musical team, performed infront of CEO. It was nerve-wrecking. I screwed up totally. Failed to 'drown into the character' nor synchronised the dance steps. Constant corrections and criticism bein thrown at me by the instructors. Utter dissapointment. Mind was wandering in space. Nevertheless, love the team spirit.

Plenty of events happened to the beautiful ppl arnd me as well. Like,

Dear sis traveled for the 1st time to Melbourne on school trip. My God u call that a school trip?

Abang Long has migrated to another department. Being his counterpart, I'm beginning to feel his absence...alot. Miss you ok.

It's been a long exhausting ride to marriage dearest..But it's worth fighting for. I know i can't live w/o you.

And to my B.I.L, you rock my world indeed. That evening, it was a masterpiece. You're a treasure.

.....

..........

................

oh and did i say i gt my 4 molars extracted? Yea, in a week's time i'm gonna have braces settled on my teeth.

Keep on going

2009-11-28T00:25:00.002+08:00

"...Every inch of my destiny, test my faith in fate."

I Love You

2009-11-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

very very much...

New Kid on the Block

2009-11-26T22:51:00.003+08:00

Another angel in the household...Such a pretty face

Oh-My-God

2009-11-24T00:54:00.004+08:00

Today, I'm gonna pen this down into my history book.

This is one of the craziest thing we've done in our many episodes together!
I can never see you the same again. At least, virtually.
Oh Boy!

:p

2012

2009-11-20T17:38:00.008+08:00

Though storyline seems too gimmicky and unreal....
For the thrilling, visually stunning CGI effects,

And much Heartfelt catchphrases....

Not forgetting John Cusack...

The movie made an excellent, excellent disaster movie. Ahead of "War of the World", "Independance day" and "The Day after Tomorrow".

A good date on a good day. C u again dear love.

Spending time together is never enough

2009-11-14T17:29:00.003+08:00

Cause love is very much like it...

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void."

"So good night, dear void."

Kathleen Kelly .. You've Got Mail.

A quiet breath

2009-11-07T23:08:00.010+08:00

This past week, I'm adjusting back. Also, I'm rediscovering how lovely it is to sit somewhere quiet with a good book, or movie, and breathe the morning fresh air and drown in my meandering thoughts. This has become a kind of solace for me, in odd moments of the day, when I'm overwhelmed by all the activities and conversations I find myself in.

Take dancing.

My feet have been set to dancing, since whenever. I don't truly know why or how. The music, the vivid vitality of it, just takes over my limbs and stretch turns into a sweeping up of the arms, into a fluid motion of arms and torso. And the legs brought up into a leap, and I'm off again. I can't explain it at all. I've been awkward before this, but I've always strangely loved dancing, and more or less jumped at any chance of learning dance, as terribly stiff as I've been. I'm always amazed at how graceful dancers are.
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I realise, quite depressingly, I've been distant from office to distract myself from musing over small things. I realise I can't please everybody. To be belittled and frowned upon my own choice of actions almost give me mental breakdown.
Í'm tired of trying too hard to make myself fit in and belong. My bleeding heart can't be bleeding enough. I'm just too easy, aren't I? That you can push me around.
I have a heart that feels and a mind that thinks too. My large gestures and laughter, when I try to make myself look like I don't have a care in the world, end up hollow. i'm tired of swallowing words that's been grinding down to painful awkwardness.
It's not worth crying over the crowded thoughts as much as it hurts me.
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I'm waning, beyond the turmoil even though your presence gives me an odd sort of comfort.It's the sheer drifting space of the oblivion that comes with the tiredness, after. It never seems to have an end, except when I set my mind into motion again.I hate it when I find myself repeating small restless and mindless actions.
I'm tired of feeling sick of the things that I do. Yet that seems to be the status quo, for now.
I want to get out, to be out of the ordinary in my life. Yet I don't want to be confronted with the unfamiliar right now. I'm just too raw and too tired to push myself into dealing with anything new. I wonder why the adrenaline remains. I'd like to be rid of the emotional loop-de-loops on this rollercoaster, all things considered.
How much hurt or pleasure is a human heart truly capable of? Can there ever be anything of a fathomable answer? Everything I feel is still so intense. I'm oddly happy to relax and kick back and do silly things, but there's still a kind of watchfulness that remains with me.
It just bothers me when I get into these moods, when the castles that I build in the air start to condense and fall to the ground as heavy-weighted expectations.
I don't want to have to meet expectations that I'm feeling, or possibly even just making up in my head from small perceptions and quirks and inflections of voice. I don't want to control the future, or to get this disappointed when things that happen does not happen the way it's supposed to. I don't want to care so much about what people think, or even worse, what I think people think. I don't want to have to carry on the act, and be this golden girl who's got it all together because I don't. I really don't. I'm not too sweet to act in a certain way. In fact, I'm hardly too sweet or too nice a young lady to be doing any particular thing at all.
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All right, enough of this.

Life can just suck for no reason. Especially when writing long angsty post like this.

Let’s Dance

2009-11-04T22:53:00.001+08:00

With Jazz, Hip Hop and Musical in my weekly activities, I’m geared up to get grooving once again…

November Rain

2009-11-03T00:02:00.003+08:00

Today

I've realised...

that you came into my life...

to show me what love is,

and how much I mean to you.

I love you.

I still do.

Moments of randomness

2009-11-01T00:38:00.003+08:00

One sunny weekend,

Sara : Hey, shall we sniff glue 1 day?

Me : Right...reason being?
Sara: For fun. Shall we?
Me : (+_+)

I love you to death…

2009-10-29T00:53:00.003+08:00

For the first time in my dating history, i have a friend chasing me, literally. With an empty coke bottle on one hand and halfway eaten sotong onstik on the other, we did stomach-punching, face-slapping, leg-kicking and neck-grabbing ; at Ngee Ann City’s open space..

And the verdict? A draw ; of a tiny wound each plus multiple scratches and red marks all over.

It was a bruised and bloody date.

(+__-) (-__+)

PS:- I won!

Void Emotions

2009-10-31T02:44:00.004+08:00

Rant.

Don't mind.

No amount of pills I stuff into my throat can fix the immense pain of the cosmic questions and burdens me so.I want to embody numbness.

I have such twisted sense of reality. I have to-- how else would I explain this: I'm in a relationship which i think I will fuck out at some point. I have put everything I have into it.But I get bored, lost and confused.Discontented. Emotionally and mentally unstable.

Latent insanityI chose to live, my self destruction is a safety blanket. It's comfortable and predictable. It feels safe-- like coming home.
I know the outcome and more often than not the limits. It will leave scars I am not ashamed of and burnt bridges I've not cared to mend.I have to chose to be happy. I chose to fight and let go.

However I'm getting married in 2011 to a man who refuses to let me fade away. He is as damaged. But he is beautiful. Somewhat an angel. At times i just want to say "I love you, get over it". But I have to be strong. And I am angry at myself for constantly crumbling down the ropes of emotions. Although at times consciously not directed at myself.I still feel the pull everyday. The nagging voice. The need to get out. A sick freedom that only collects bruises and costs everything. I doubt the voice will ever go away.
Within a week, I have to decide between morality and manipulation. Selflessness or twisted freedom.

At this point of my life, I'm dealing with a lot of responsibility;I'm separating myself from the ridiculousness of my thoughts; I'm in charge of managing my own mental health and health in general; I need to start acknowledging myself for what I am: an adult. I may still be goofing around, playing tricks and kicking asses, but I'm still an adult--albiet at one point of the journey.

haaa~ I feel better now.

PS : Redbull and Ciggies don't go well together.

Serendipity

2009-10-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

"Life is a mess...It's a personified chaos...

Maybe all this maze, is designed, to lead me to where I started"

You’ll Never Walk Alone…

2009-10-27T23:58:00.001+08:00

For Liverpool deserves to win. Especially to Man Utd. Man! Does victory tastes swwweeett :)

Today, I pranced diligently. Yes…
Ergh, goodnite.

ANGST

2009-10-26T01:40:00.001+08:00

DON’T YOU EVER LEARN ???!!!!

God, Help me :’(

Of Fantasy and Reality

2009-10-24T12:44:00.002+08:00

In the story of King Authur, Knight Sir Lancelot , and Queen Guenevere…
Sir Lancelot was disgraced for the love he has for Queen Guivenivere. Sir Lancelot failed to protect King Authur.
For the world perceived King Author as victorious and powerful but only Queen Guenevere knew his major faults and frailities.
Queen Guivenivere became a widow for she loved Sir Lancelot just as much.

I hate you, with an insurmountable passion...

And I have my anarex to put me to sleep..

2009-10-22T22:42:00.001+08:00

My self-esteem has gone hiding today. I feel like thrash.

Ergh.

Piss off..

One still Wednesday…

2009-10-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

On an upfront conversation over an actress’s role, while the sun peeked modestly behind the evening sky.

Sara : She kisses the guy before she transforms into a hawk in the evening.
Me : oh. a Hog? as in Hog? (stressed on the ‘g’ sound)
Sara : No.A Hawk.
Me : (confused). I noe. U mean the pig kindda hog ryte?
Sara : (Frustrated. Flapping his hands profusely) No! A hawk ! A flying pig!
Me : (Settled look) Ah~ an eagle la.. (grin)
Sara: -_-

On another movie topics...The sun was in the verge of sinking as we looked calmly at the cruise liner over the sea.

Me: I would love to go on a cruise for a honeymoon. But u noe wat, i want my cruise to sink.
Sara: (Bewildered) So u want ur ship to sink? And whatever for?
Me : (Confidently explains..) Yes so i cn feel what is it like to be in Titanic.
Sara: ?????
Me : U noe, people always think Titanic is a romantic movie. Isnt it weird how they top the box-office charts once upon a time. And all because Kate Winslet dumped Leo into the sea. On a lighter note, if u notice, that's just a cunning way to ditch ur guy. To me, Kate cn finally shout 'Freedom' man! Yes!
Sara: (Dumbfounded....) ????

And the sun instantly disappeared, literally.

After 2months absence…

2009-10-20T23:38:00.001+08:00

It feels so good to hit the dancefloor once again….

Haaa~ :)

Time Traveler’s Wife

2009-10-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

“…Have you ever wonder if I’m some kind of joke God is playing on u? …” ~Henry~

“..No. Everybody i wake up hoping you won’t leave me forever” ~Clare~