Void Emotions

Rant.

Don't mind.

No amount of pills I stuff into my throat can fix the immense pain of the cosmic questions and burdens me so.I want to embody numbness.

I have such twisted sense of reality. I have to-- how else would I explain this: I'm in a relationship which i think I will fuck out at some point. I have put everything I have into it.But I get bored, lost and confused.Discontented. Emotionally and mentally unstable.

Latent insanityI chose to live, my self destruction is a safety blanket. It's comfortable and predictable. It feels safe-- like coming home.
I know the outcome and more often than not the limits. It will leave scars I am not ashamed of and burnt bridges I've not cared to mend.I have to chose to be happy. I chose to fight and let go.

However I'm getting married in 2011 to a man who refuses to let me fade away. He is as damaged. But he is beautiful. Somewhat an angel. At times i just want to say "I love you, get over it". But I have to be strong. And I am angry at myself for constantly crumbling down the ropes of emotions. Although at times consciously not directed at myself.I still feel the pull everyday. The nagging voice. The need to get out. A sick freedom that only collects bruises and costs everything. I doubt the voice will ever go away.
Within a week, I have to decide between morality and manipulation. Selflessness or twisted freedom.

At this point of my life, I'm dealing with a lot of responsibility;I'm separating myself from the ridiculousness of my thoughts; I'm in charge of managing my own mental health and health in general; I need to start acknowledging myself for what I am: an adult. I may still be goofing around, playing tricks and kicking asses, but I'm still an adult--albiet at one point of the journey.

haaa~ I feel better now.


PS : Redbull and Ciggies don't go well together.

Serendipity

"Life is a mess...It's a personified chaos...

Maybe all this maze, is designed, to lead me to where I started"

I love you to death…

For the first time in my dating history, i have a friend chasing me, literally. With an empty coke bottle on one hand and halfway eaten sotong onstik on the other, we did stomach-punching, face-slapping, leg-kicking and neck-grabbing ; at Ngee Ann City’s open space..

And the verdict? A draw ; of a tiny wound each plus multiple scratches and red marks all over.

It was a bruised and bloody date.

(+__-) (-__+)

PS:- I won!

You’ll Never Walk Alone…

For Liverpool deserves to win. Especially to Man Utd. Man! Does victory tastes swwweeett :)

Today, I pranced diligently. Yes…
Ergh, goodnite.

ANGST

DON’T YOU EVER LEARN ???!!!!

God, Help me :’(

Of Fantasy and Reality

In the story of King Authur, Knight Sir Lancelot , and Queen Guenevere…
Sir Lancelot was disgraced for the love he has for Queen Guivenivere. Sir Lancelot failed to protect King Authur.
For the world perceived King Author as victorious and powerful but only Queen Guenevere knew his major faults and frailities.
Queen Guivenivere became a widow for she loved Sir Lancelot just as much.

I hate you, with an insurmountable passion...

And I have my anarex to put me to sleep..

My self-esteem has gone hiding today. I feel like thrash.

Ergh.

Piss off..

One still Wednesday…

On an upfront conversation over an actress’s role, while the sun peeked modestly behind the evening sky.

Sara : She kisses the guy before she transforms into a hawk in the evening.
Me : oh. a Hog? as in Hog? (stressed on the ‘g’ sound)
Sara : No.A Hawk.
Me : (confused). I noe. U mean the pig kindda hog ryte?
Sara : (Frustrated. Flapping his hands profusely) No! A hawk ! A flying pig!
Me : (Settled look) Ah~ an eagle la.. (grin)
Sara: -_-

On another movie topics...The sun was in the verge of sinking as we looked calmly at the cruise liner over the sea.

Me: I would love to go on a cruise for a honeymoon. But u noe wat, i want my cruise to sink.
Sara: (Bewildered) So u want ur ship to sink? And whatever for?
Me : (Confidently explains..) Yes so i cn feel what is it like to be in Titanic.
Sara: ?????
Me : U noe, people always think Titanic is a romantic movie. Isnt it weird how they top the box-office charts once upon a time. And all because Kate Winslet dumped Leo into the sea. On a lighter note, if u notice, that's just a cunning way to ditch ur guy. To me, Kate cn finally shout 'Freedom' man! Yes!
Sara: (Dumbfounded....) ????

And the sun instantly disappeared, literally.

After 2months absence…

It feels so good to hit the dancefloor once again….

Haaa~ :)

Time Traveler’s Wife

“…Have you ever wonder if I’m some kind of joke God is playing on u? …” ~Henry~

“..No. Everybody i wake up hoping you won’t leave me forever” ~Clare~

I smile tonight reading….

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies,caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called God, you will make it to a place called Success…

 

May tomorrow be a better day.

Final Destination 4

is rubbish

Blog re-activated

Now, it will be fairixora.blogspot.com once again.